Let me know when Duolingo makes a course in toddler
You Might Also Like
We’ve reached that part of the day where my kids ask what’s for dinner & then tell me they don’t want that for dinner.
More like Kermit *A* Frog, there are other frogs
Every country has a wafer cookie, and every country thinks they invented it
Select the reason for canceling your order:
◽️Item(s) would not arrive on time
◽️Need to change shipping address
☑️ I was drunk
Had day surgery – came out with about fifteen less followers than when I went in with.
So apparently I’m offensive even when unconscious.
C’mere baby, let me help you break that resolution.
Optimism? Sure, it’s worth a try. I don’t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
#inspiration #foodforthought
Birds wouldn’t be so smug in zero gravity, I bet
“Why don’t you slip into something a little… less comfortable?” He tentatively asks while eyeing my knock-off Tweety Bird shirt with multiple sketti sauce stains.
Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It’s basically everywhere now.
He died doing what he loved
smelling things underwater
kinda bullshit my iPhone doesn’t recognize my face with food hanging out of it
Shoo shoo! 😂
My daughter has been rewatching Moana repeatedly, and there is a rooster named HeiHei.
I told my wife, “did you know Moana originally had 3 chicken characters? Besides HeiHei they also had YuYu and I-Don’t-Like-Your-Girlfriend….”
Just heard that May is mental health month. Where do I go to pick up my supply?
Can you die from sitting on the floor to play with your kid, because I just tried to get up and it feels like you can die from it.
me: *joking* i’m always right! i’m NEVER wrong.
7: well. sometimes you are. remember when –
me: shut up
Why isn’t there an egg flavored Gatorade you cowards?
Yeah? Well the Bible also tells us that abstinence isn’t 100% effective, Mary.
My kid wants to be Batman so bad he bought us opera tickets in a bad neighborhood.
Without background music, it’s really hard to know which emotions I’m supposed to be faking.
“I Didn’t Want This But I Ate it Anyway to Keep Myself from Eating the Worse Thing and Then I Ate That Too”, an autobiography.
You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.
Just saw a guy at the gym with only 1 arm.
If that’s not motivation, I don’t know what is?
Seriously, I don’t know, I’m leaving…
What
April is Stress Awareness Month, as if I’m not aware of my stress the other eleven months out of the year.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
“Listen, you’ll get your money, I just need a little more time.”