I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.
You Might Also Like
My 3yo came home saying he learned how to sit “criss cross pizza sauce” and I just want to know when they changed it from “applesauce”.
An online quiz guessed my age using some incredibly accurate super scientific data and it turns out I’m 25 years old. And obviously we don’t argue with science.
People are so weird about ventriloquy my gyno hates it
My ex gf came from the land down under, no not Australia, Hell.
“The name’s Bond, James Bond…
and you are”?
If we go into lockdown again, can we just buy the sourdough this time?
I work out just enough so I can still chase the ice cream truck.
I feel a special bond w/ ppl that always pop up in my ‘May Know’ Facebook window. Like u see me,I see u &we’ve both agreed not to be friends
He: did you burn dinner again?
Me: it’s a Flambé.
He: it’s mac and cheese
Me: it’s French mac and cheese!!
When people say they want to give a voice to the voiceless I say like a ventriloquist?
I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.
Don’t hate the game, hate the player who keeps sending you Facebook invites to play the game.
Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics ’cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality.
Please, call me Seahorse. Mr. Seahorse was my mother.
We need a Disney princess who is great at basketball and also a golden retriever
The aliens can learn about the human body the same way I did. Playing Operation.
Me: *checking into maternity ward*
Hey, so remember that time when you took the baby so I could sleep?Nurse: Ma’am, this child is seven.
“Make yourself at home.” they say, then it’s “Ma’am please put your bra back on.”
Make up your mind, library story time, make up your mind!
Deacon: Remember when you said you were open to ideas to get new members?
Pastor: Yes, why do you ask?
Deacon: How do you feel about knives?
My daughter asked me if you have to get married when you’re older and when I told her no she said “good that looks like too much work”
My daughter gave me a coupon book for Mother’s Day and told me to pick one, so I chose the clean your room coupon. She immediately began crying because I was supposed to choose the free hug instead.
H: Are you a beer drinker or a wine drinker?
Me: … … … Yes.
Me: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the …
Mirror: Comb your hair.
“IT’S 3AM! TIME FOR SPRINTS!” – Cats
WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
Your leftovers looking at you from the back of the fridge as you order Postmates again
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it’s your neighbor’s window and they’re calling the cops?
DOG 911: What’s ur emer-
DOG: THERE’S CHRISTMAS PAPER AND BOWS ALL OVER
DOG 911: Your human let u eat it?
DOG: NO
DOG 911: OMG
DOG: OMG
Everything I know about classical music I learned from Bugs Bunny cartoons.