I’m walking more to lose weight in order to help my knees feel better. Walking more is making my knees sore.
The moral of the story?
Don’t have knees.
You Might Also Like
Sometimes you find a video that reminds you why social media is the best thing ever
[me out of breath] yeah I might be shooting a rap video so what?
[wife home 20 mins early] is that why the dog is painted like a cheetah?
My car has the innate super power of knowing when I have any extra money and spontaneously breaking down.
When I have more than $20 in my account at the end of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to pay.
Boy, ISIS are going to be pissed when they find out New Atheists talk about God more than them.
Others: if you want your house to smell like xmas take a pot of water & add sliced oranges,cinnamon sticks, vanilla, peppercorns, cranberries, forage for 3 pine branches and simmer all day
Me: lights xmas candle
Lassie, get help!
Some people are like a ray of spray tan.
My girlfriend never can hear me when I’m talking to her but when I’m talking about her she can hear me from the neighbor’s house
Just in case you’re thinking about having kids, I just broke up an argument about “excessive angry blinking” at each other.
This buffalo chicken salad would be great if it weren’t for all this salad
I bought a new cat tree for my cats and they are just having the best time playing in the box it came in.
Zombies never bite hipsters.
They taste fine.
We just don’t want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool.
Customer Service: Are you ready for your confirmation number?
Me: Yup. *pretends to write it down*
CS: 683648AC4712.
Me: mmm hmm… Ok, got it!
CS: You want to repeat it back
to me?Me: No thanks *click*
Batman: can I have some fettuccine alfredo
Alfred: right away, Bruce-o
The traffic must be horrendous in a red light district
why am i having trouble navigating this map??
I’ve never been more afraid of my wife than the time I ate a potato off of her plate.
I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she’d let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
Becky on Facebook is having a bad hair day and wonders if anything will ever go right. Be strong Becky, be strong. Also shut up.
Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.
I hop around on one foot a lot because the other foot is usually in my mouth.
remember if you want to send me flowers today my favorite kind are mushroom pizza
I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn’t exist.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101.
Today’s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you’re here now, you failed.
Wearing the same outfit two days in a row ’cause I’m practicing to be a cartoon
It’s the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.
No one running the NFL Insta account saw a problem here
A fortune cookie told me I’d receive an important message soon.
The message in the bottle told me the fortune cookie was poisoned.
Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.