How do you tell someone that they’re not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
You Might Also Like
Smooooooth
Sometimes when my kids are following me around the grocery store, I walk in circles around things to test their loyalty.
My vibe can loosely be described as “needs 2-day shipping for a book I probably won’t read for 7 months”.
Been doing a lot of soul searching as of late and still have not found that darn thing.
me: this hotel is $100 per night?
clerk: that’s right
me: how much for just one room
[MOM GROUP CHATS]
Sadie says practice is at 1.
Maddie told me 12:30.
What color socks should they wear?
I heard it was at 4.
Who is in charge of snack today?
I can’t get Addi there until 2:15.
Kimberleigh has a gluten allergy.[DAD GROUP CHATS]
Practice at 1.
👍
shoutout to my mom who has reused the same Christmas gift bags for so long she just found a gift card to the Cheesecake Factory from 1999.
Me: Pick that up!
7: Can’t you?
Me: You’re lower to the ground
7: But you’re used to doing things that aren’t funHow’s your summer going?
My mom moved me away from Texas as a kid, statistically decreasing the chance I ever get the death penalty and that’s pretty cool
I find few things more alarming than a toddler with a permanent marker in her hand.
You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty.
My plane has an entire high school wrestling team on it, so I imagine we’ll crash in a forest & I’ll become their King.
in case you thought I was an intellect know that I almost threw away a carrot because it touched the ground
Teens are leaving FB for Twitter & Instagram to escape parents. Silly rabbits, we were here first.
Only short people can save us
*catches frisbee*
“this is the kinda thing I mean when I say you guys don’t take staff meetings seriously”
Asteroid: Hmm…who should I hit on?
Earth: [puts on sexy dress and a come hither smile]
me: can i please have some more?
bank teller: haha you’re gonna get me in trouble but ok ONE more fifty
Her: make this delicious snack in just five easy steps
Me, opening a chip bag in one easy step: no
You’re born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive……
I dumbed there ONE time and now this.
Idc how bad my relationship is I’m not calling no mf radio station for advice😭
Big thanks to everyone who bought us wedding china. I think about you every time we move.
Son, it’s ur 18th birthday, so I got u a brand new car…
“OMG DAD. WOW-”
…dboard box.
“But-”
Pack up, ur moving out birthday boy.
My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.
Galadriel told Frodo only he could destroy the ring. Smokey Bear said only YOU can prevent wildfires. Frodo did his job; did you do yours?
Parents waiting for election results like “This is nothing. I’ve waited for my kid to finish telling me about a dream they had.”
I started to clean house this evening, but my cat talked me into taking a nap.
Danger is very dangerous
Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.