There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar
You Might Also Like
If you’re depressed, start exercising.
You’ll still be depressed, but you’ll be depressed with abs.
sin harder.
Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone’s calling me and glare at it until it goes away.
When someone compliments me on here, my gut reaction is to say, “YEAH OKAY AND WHAT IF I’M A CATFISH?!”
…I am not a catfish.
Why am I like this?
(Adobe CEO’s house)
Like the new couch hun?
Update it.
What about the wallpap…
UPDATE IT ALL.
You’re scaring the ki…
UPDATE THEM TOO…
DOG: [looking out the window] wat a beautiful mornimg! the sky is grey, the grass is grey, the birds are grey and readey to eat,
My friend is trying to quit his addiction to marathons. He’s in a 55,000 step program.
Women: Be smart. Don’t do this.
No more Geoffreys #GeoffreyBoycott
I accidentally spilled water on the rice so I immediately put it in a jar of smartphones.
[Breakup]
Her: We’re just different
Him: How?
Her: Well, you want to hike & camp
Him: And?
Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet
A new gel is being developed that could coat your stomach and stop you from getting intoxicated. It’s like the old saying “Gel before beer, you’re in the clear! Beer before gel, wait what the hell?”
No chill.
[At dinner]
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
My husband told me I was overreacting. Then he got to witness me over overreacting.
Thank you for your comment did you use some kind of random word generator?
Anne Has A Problem
Anne Has A Solution
Anne Has A Will
Anne Hathaway
“Well-behaved women seldom make history,” I quietly say as I don’t wait the full 10 minutes for the oven to preheat.
I got bills
They’re multiplying
9: Where’s mom?
Me: Out the back
9: Australia?
M: Out THE back, not the Outback!
9: What’s she doing?
M: Playing with her didgeridoo, I think
My high school son works at a grocery store and I went through his checkout line with wine. He called a manager for approval.
M: Did you proof her?
S: She’s my mom.
M: OK but she may not be 21.
S: That’s biologically impossible.
M: No it’s not.
*My son is 16.
1 in 5 people are Chinese. Only 5 people in my family, it’s either mom or dad, brother Colin, younger brother Ho Chan. I think it’s Colin.
I just ran into my high school bully and it was great cause I’m doing well and he’s 17 which is very old for a dog
12 Monkeys #DescribeYourSexLifeWithAMovie
Me: [arguing with Tom Cruise] OMG JUST PICK A POSSIBLE MISSION
Me: *clapping enthusiastically*
You: an actual strobe light would be more effective for the dance party, tho
just baked a deliciously fragrant apple pie. gonna leave it to cool on my windowsill. should be fine
Why does the crematorium sound so delicious?
All I want for Christmas is a survivalist training course so I can finally move to the woods, go off the grid, and not participate in society anymore until the government hunts me down and begs me to help them with a matter of national security, which I refuse.
I think this was a scene from “The Birds”