Exposed Ashley Madison users feel hurt & betrayed, unsure if they can ever trust again.
You Might Also Like
A guy in California is marrying his cat making me realize there was a much cheaper way to be ignored and occasionally scratched.
NEED SOMEONE TO FILM AN ONLYFANS VID WITH ME:
You pretend to be a mover helping me get my things from one apartment to the other. I wear a tiny sundress and you don’t touch me you just move my things. This does not pay
When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can’t get over the fence
I can’t believe the tasteless and offensive things some people tweet.
Seriously, I just saw a recipe for homemade mac n cheese.. they only used one kind of cheese😳 and they didn’t put the bread crumble on top!!
I came home and my gf had laid out rose petals from the door, down the hall and into our bed. There were even rose petals in the shower, my sock drawer and my jacket pocket. And even in the medicine cabinet where my EpiPen usually is because I AM SEVERELY ALLERGIC TO ROSE PETALS
I just told my son we have all the ingredients that he needs to make toast, in case you were wondering how much vodka I drank last night.
NYT: No, we did not make Wordle harder. We promise.
Also NYT: Today’s Wordle is KHYBX — which everyone knows is a popular 11th century Latin delicacy derived from quicksand extract. Duh.
I have this theory that McDonald’s hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That’s why they’re always hiring.
When you kidnap a writer.
there should be a “take your friend to work day” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories
my dentist said I needed an implant and I was like damn I know they’re small but that’s a little harsh
wife: Why is there a mousetrap in the fridge!?
me [whispers to toddler] Why is there a mousetrap in the fridge?
toddler [whispers] Because that’s where the cheese is
me: Because that’s where the cheese is!
I would guard your potatoes so hard.
My peeves aren’t pets. They’re family.
I just weighed myself so I could then weigh the dog; so now we’re both depressed and comfort eating kibble.
HUSBAND: Why are you late?
ME: I was at church.
HUSBAND: I find that hard to believe. Did they have a breakfast buffet or something?
Unreliable eye witness testimony is the reason chameleons are nature’s most elusive and successful serial killers.
Starting to suspect my wife was royalty in a previous life and I was her official food taster.
*kidnapping Beyoncé* got your Knowles
If my kids ask, bears are attracted to the sound of fighting children.
“Shhhhh it’s sleeping”
I whisper while closing the door on my laundry pile
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I have to find a way to get in on one of those government programs where they spend $1.7 billion dollars and wind up planting like 7 trees
Eve: Wrong hole!
Adam: Sorry, it’s my first time. How do U know it’s the wrong hole? No one has done this before, it’s just us two you know
[Saturday morning, 5:53 am]
[a tap on my shoulder wakes me]
8YR OLD: dad, I’m bored
Me: WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?!
My cat, after getting into the back of my closet, discovering a fishing pole & spare spool of line & then unraveling & tangling most of the line ALL over my bedroom: You’re so dramatic.
me: if there are any spirits here, pleasant yourself to us
ghost: bro did you just say pleasant instead of present?
me: oh no
2nd ghost: lmao this idiot said pleasant
3rd ghost: pleasant
4th ghost: pleasant
5th ghost: pleasant
Most arachnophobes end up secretly being spiders themselves
Babe, calm down. I don’t think you heard me. They’re MAGIC beans.
No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.