We have lots of scary maths jokes for Halloween but we’re 2² to say them
You Might Also Like
Amazon Review: A History of Criminals
★★★☆☆Not a bad book. Prose and cons.
I like my wedding soup made with real bickering.
I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
There’s a “Restore All” button on the paper shredder, right?
SORRY FOR MY POOR VOLUME CONTROL REGULATION BUT THIS IS A GOOD CUDDLE
me: someone stole my glasses
cop: what did they look like
me: how would i know
Tell me again how your unborn child will not see a screen before she’s 8. I want to write down your exact words.
yet another student using CatGPT to do their schoolwork
No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that’s why I dropped it.
Only 1490’s kids will remember this
*sails from Europe and destroys an indigenous population*
When brands use cool words like “bae” on social media, I drive straight to their nearest location with all my money, ready to buy products.
Horrifying if literal: armchairs
LOIS LANE: here i got you these contacts so you don’t have to wear glasses anymore
CLARK KENT: *nervous sweating*
I’m not sure what’s more distressing:
Someone had the idea to invent a 72 hour deodorant.
Or that there’s a market for 72 hour deodorant.
I like how this car asks me if it’s safe to move in reverse.
WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED???
IRL
I was Today Years Old when I find out Labelle are singing “Creole Lady Marmalade” NOT “Be your Lady Marmalade”.
VAMPIRE: Aaaarrgghh…DAYLIGHT!
ME (A REDHEAD): *turning to dust* Way ahead of you buddy.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
That’s your parents job.
I bought a lamp made from citrus fruit, but refuse to use it.
I’m trying to avoid the limelight.
SON: *first word* momma.
MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT?
ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck*
He never comes down our street.
me: you can’t take all that candy to school
son: then what do I do with it?
me: you leave it here
son: with you?
I’m not above army crawling down an aisle at the grocery store to avoid small talk with an acquaintance.
ME: I’ll see you in a month
WIFE: Don’t forget to write
ME: It’s highly unlikely I’d forget such a basic skill, Sharon
you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great
Will I understand Dune if I haven’t seen Darch, Dpril and Day?
I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal.
Why is it called In N Out when the line is 10 miles long
Yes judgmental liquor store cashier, I must be having another big party.
Not to brag, but I can run pretty fast with a tv in my hands.