Captain Crunch is basically an exfoliator for your mouth

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Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars.


eating cereal in the shower isn’t saving me as much time as i thought.


I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.


Okay Canada. You’ve made your point.

Will you take winter back now?



What helps a pedophile walk and do his job?

A Candy Cane.


If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too.


Ahhh December 1st. Time to start using Santa as a threat.