The Five Sizes of Penises:
4. Oh My God!…and
5. Is that available in white??
Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.
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You people that disappear on weekends like you have something better to do, you’re not fooling anyone, we all know you’ve doing Community Service.
Soaking the dishes overnight, or as I like to call it, “not doing the dishes.”
It’s Saturday, so I’m as lazy as the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
I heard the iPhone 15 won’t have any ports or jacks or a screen and it will just be a smooth steel ball and finally we’ll all be happy.
I’m convinced that thumb wars were created when two guys just about to dance with each other got caught
I told a guy on MySpace 16 years ago I would brb. I. Never. Brb’d.
[standing in driveway with wife]
I thought we agreed on a Prius
[giant eagle pecks at saddle]
NO THIS IS BETTER
My kid just made me google the various answer percentages to cheat a Harry Potter Sorting Hat quiz so she’d get Slytherin- which I guess qualifies her.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.