Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is “married.”
Like that’s gonna stop me!

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For Sale: Wedding Suit, worn only once by mistake..


What doesn’t kill you isn’t earning the money I paid.


After looking at pics from before my 7yr old was born she said “You’re really not as young and pretty anymore but I like how you look now because you look like my mom.”

* I mean aww sweet but also hello back handed compliment. This girl is fierce.


Every woman has an inbox. She carries it with her just in case she gets male.


Reverse psychology – only it’s me swapping chairs when my therapist went to the bathroom.


”This is my last chance” I whisper to myself, as we sit on the couch cuddling and I stare at that one slice of pizza left in the box


Everyone talks about how mean geese are and how aggressive geese are but it seems like we used to eat a lot of goose holiday dinners and now we don’t so


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.


thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs


Roses are red,
except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.