@reesespiece_

Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is “married.”
Like that’s gonna stop me!

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@roggyie

For Sale: Wedding Suit, worn only once by mistake..

@Traceylei2

What doesn’t kill you isn’t earning the money I paid.

@_SingleBabyMama

After looking at pics from before my 7yr old was born she said “You’re really not as young and pretty anymore but I like how you look now because you look like my mom.”

* I mean aww sweet but also hello back handed compliment. This girl is fierce.

@EZ_G

Every woman has an inbox. She carries it with her just in case she gets male.

@MisterD78UK

Reverse psychology – only it’s me swapping chairs when my therapist went to the bathroom.

@greek_heanen

”This is my last chance” I whisper to myself, as we sit on the couch cuddling and I stare at that one slice of pizza left in the box

@iamspacegirl

Everyone talks about how mean geese are and how aggressive geese are but it seems like we used to eat a lot of goose holiday dinners and now we don’t so

@needychick

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

@mugkip

thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs

@theDanLawler

Roses are red,
except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors.