*goes in bank with finger guns*
This is a robbery!
“no one’ll take you seriously-”
*switches to double barrel finger guns*
“do what he says”
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if you’re a shakespeare character your chances of getting mauled by a bear while a clown watches are low but never zero
I am a gravy boat captain
It’d be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.
May your day taste like creamy soup.
Quarantine Day 23: Today the kids and I made shivs…fine, we sharpened pencil crayons for a craft. But by the end of it, I definitely felt like stabbing someone.
You: Say something good about 2020
Me: Haven’t been invited to a single wedding this year.
if god really loved all the people of the world why do our heads weigh so much.
This is an emergency!
*Begs to borrow strangers phone
*starts scrolling through pics
What did I do before Twitter? Well, there’s my family and……OH MY GOD WHERE’S MY FAMILY?!?!
OMG! It’s colder than a pimps heart out here!