Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: Ok.
Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: I AM NOT READY.
![]()
You Might Also Like
My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things.
It takes me about 15 hours to fully wake up in the morning
Music can transport us, like when I sang “Baby Shark” so loud at Applebees my date got me an Uber.
Boy George: Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?
2020: Haha you have no idea.
The Rainforest Cafe isn’t realistic enough for me. Part of the restaurant should burn down by the time you finish your meal.
Helping ya friend pick a picture to post 🤝 commenting like it’s ya first time ever seeing the picture
CONCERT
AC/DC: Who’s ready to be Thunderstruck?
CROWD: *screams
ME: [from front row] IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE STRUCK BY THUNDER!
“No points, illegal kick to the face.”
“But I’m the hero of this movie.”
“Fair enough, here’s your trophy.”
-The Karate Kid
Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work…
Me: Why, is something wrong?!
Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne…
The happy life.. 😊
The power of art = theory.
The power of power = praxis.
The the of the = philosophy.
If you start a conversation with “you’re gonna say I’m crazy” there’s nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance.
Can you rent a shark? It’s time sensitive
Don’t forget to get your Valentine’s Day shopping done before Pete Davidson buys everything up.
My dentist calls himself the “tooth guy” because he’s fun and laid back and unlicensed
Oh, I bet you would be
![]()
What idiot named them Minions and not Gru-pies
love those YouTube videos that are like “doctor reacts to brutal superhero deaths” because they’re always like “yup you would definitely die if you got decapitated because your body needs a brain to survive. subscribe for more medical facts”
I keep my punching bag next to the fridge to let out my anger when there’s nothing to eat.
in the 80s you solved everything with dancing. street fight? dance. parents throw you out of the house? dance. a demonic presence that has surfaced from the bowels of hell as a result of a seance gone wrong? dance.
My 4-year-old, while sharing a space with other people, has been exclaiming with a sigh that he’s ALL ALONE, and I keep thinking, “Damn, kids these days are getting to work early on their existential crises.”
the human just came home. smelling like another dog. this isn’t a problem. i’m totally not upset. if anybody needs me. i’ll be over here. wondering what i ever did to deserve this
Meeeee too!
![]()
They found the charred body rolled into an old carpet, locked inside the trunk of a burned out car. The police suspect foul play.
“How do you know them” bro we go to the same social media
It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.
Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers!
*thinks about not having to pause TV or games*
*orders some*
Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if i drop it on my foot”
craving $300 all of a sudden
[unaware grindr isn’t an app for skateboarders] I’d love to meet at the park