My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?
how did they feed babies before the airplane was invented?
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Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA:
Go to an ATM.
DOCTOR: If you don’t exercise, there’s really no point in dieting.
ME: I can’t wait to tell my wife the good news.
What idiot called it Oktoberfest instead of Octo-Bar?
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
Found my cat reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I told him that it didn’t actually involve killing birds, but he said he liked courtroom dramas.
What idiot called it a national anthem instead of country music?
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
My Phone autocorrected “wish you were here” to “wish you were beer” and I sent it anyways