I love Yahoo Answers because no matter how bizarre my question, someone in the world has already thought of it. And thats really comforting.
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My crush suddenly stopped texting me today. Either she is in the gravest of danger or she spontaneously decided she hates my guts. Those are literally the only two things that could have happened.
me: my car makes a funny noise
mechanic: that’s the horn
What question should you NEVER ask a Geologist?
Are these Tectonic Plates dish washer safe?
A confessional booth but the pastor just complains to you about the last guy.
The next wave of scammers will have old people call you
[Day after Xmas]
7am: I am detoxing today, only fruit and liquids for me
9am: There are worse things than eating 14 cookies for breakfast
I like to say something disgusting which makes someone else say something more disgusting then I call them a pervert.
Oh really? I swallow eight spiders a year in THEIR sleep
[approaching a person with a service dog who’s wearing a “Working: Do Not Pet” vest]
Me who is different and likely not target audience of sign: Hi, can I pet your dog?
People who enjoy salt & vinegar chips are a sturdier breed, more prepared for life’s challenges
What idiot called it Black Friday and not Welcome to the Jingle
You gotta love a man with a dog’s name and a dog with a man’s name.
“Hi, I’m Cody and this is my dog Steve.”
I drive my brother’s BMW because I can only afford to borrow a midlife crisis.
sheep: “why do we all look the same?”
other sheep: “it freaks me out tbh”
another sheep: “i dont even know which one of us is me”
Her: We need to talk
Me: *tucking in my pet racoon* Why?
I’ve been yelling for years.
Now I’m convinced.
I’m definitely the only one here playing Marco Polo.
Weird…the ChatGPT warnings are the same ones I have on my hinge profile…
judge: please, rephrase the question
yoda lawyer:
HER: [whispering seductively] tell me your wildest fantasy
ME: [also whispering] owning a home
Me: *slowly retracts hand from cereal box after failing to grasp the free toy*
Wife: you really need to stop pretending to be a claw machine
Me: *swallows yet another quarter* why
boss: I’m sorry Alan we’re going to have to let you go
bungee cord tester: N
O
O
o
o
ᵒ
I’ve never applied makeup while driving, but I have eaten an entire rotisserie chicken.
*wins lottery*
Me: fill it to the top, Jeeves
Jeeves: But ma’am, your pool—
Me: I SAID MORE MAC AND CHEESE!!!
My body is a temple, please leave pizza and tacos at the altar.
6: I hate corona virus!
Me: When it’s over you’ll have to wake up early to get to school on time.
6: I DON’T WANT IT TO BE OVER!
We’ve all talked about throwing a dirty dish away instead of washing it. But only some of us have done it.
Me, “There’s a warning light on in my car.”
Husband, “What does it say?”
Me, “It’s just a picture of an oblong thing.”
H, “The engine?”
Me, “It looks more like a submarine.”
H, “WHY WOULD THERE BE A SUBMARINE WARNING?”
Me, “Exactly what I thought. We are so connected.”
A big shout out to my cat for hissing at an empty closet and keeping me in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
*Welds all night without incident..
*Burns self getting a pizza out of the oven..