@StumblerPopular Always…
@brakco I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He’s 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this.
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@StumblerPopular 
@iwearaonesie [last night]
*gets drunk*
*can’t remember if I fed the dog*
*ends up feeding her 5 times*[tonight]
*comes home*
dog *hands me a beer*
@Dakota_Conduct Can’t believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn’t using the slogan “Once you go black, you don’t go back.”
@ScottLinnen Dropped my Ant Farm and now the rug is like the first 30-minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
@st__arving The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn’t bargain on “bankrupt” being an option.
@DrunjAF My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger.
So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex’s car.
@washedupseahag me sitting in the theater waiting for the batman to start
@zachreinert0 finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid
@SortaBad Ad: You like to save money, right?
Me (thinking): dear god, they’ve read my diary
@TheRobCee Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying “poop deck” & snickering.