court: counsel why are you yelling your questions from back there?
me: i’ve got my phone plugged in back here your honor.
If you don’t sleep now, you’ll sleep during the exam. If you sleep now, you’ll fail in the exam. Life is a mess.
You Might Also Like
Boss: Why weren’t you at work last week?
Me: Why are you living in the past?
All this construction in my area makes me realize how many weapons are just randomly lying around.
Wait…you said JAZZ hands? Oh god. I totally misheard you. Please get me a towel.
“Can I get a do-over?” – Me, playing golf, tennis (or pretty much any sport), taking a test, having sex, making a speech, living my life….
They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
Getting up very early in the morning is a dawn thing task
Once I was napping & 5yo daughter
dropped her Barbie Car on my face,
she explained it tho, she said
“sorry dad, I thought you were asleep”.
Me *secures my kid’s seat belt*
My kid: Are we there yet?
Because I’m a loving wife I got my husband some chocolates for Valentine’s Day and because I’m his wife I ate all of them.