@_kayditty
@Jake_Vig If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he’s just not that into you.
You Might Also Like
@Jake_Vig 
@Carbosly There’s this guy at work who’s giving his wife a gym membership & a vegetable juicer for her birthday tomorrow.
His name was Tom.
@HenpeckedHal Me: No, you cannot have any of daddy’s beer.
Son: Why not?
Me: You know why not.
Son: Because you don’t like to share?
Me: Because I don’t like to share.
@nealbrennan Nothing is guaranteed to be less funny than when an NPR host says, “You know, it’s funny…”
@TheToddWilliams Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.
@KateWhineHall My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it’s my husband.
@ElKnuckelhombre My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said “HELP ME!”. It was not.
@theshantilly 10’s homework question: “Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?”
His answer: “My mom.”
@bornmiserable Sorry my ringtone of NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye went off during the funeral
@clichedout [first date]
HER: i’m super close to my dad
ME: *trying to impress* you’re grounded