@Robski_Boy

Might see you guys in 15-25yrs. Weekend with my folks & it’s only a matter of time before I snap.

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@dadpickupline

Kids are great bc it’ll be freezing and they’ll complain about being cold and you have to remind them that they can wear pants

@IsaacDisdain

“That chicken died for you” – how I get my kids to eat chicken

@TheBlessMess

My gang hand signals look a lot like the finger in the hole motion, followed by the call me gesture.

@ColorMeScradd

MAN!! My boss is always all “Blah blah blah!”, “You’re late!”, and “Get me more pictures of Spiderman!!”

@Cpin42

I’m not telling you how to raise your kids, Phil. I’m just saying..fire is dangerous and babies can’t juggle.

@The_Sculptress

If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.

@HonestToddler

Parents: It’s unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you’re not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.

@birbigs

I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.