hey, teens who listen to classic rock: you were probably conceived to some of your favorite songs.
One thing you learn how to quickly do as a parent is to pretend to not have any money when you walk by vending machines.
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I paid extra for the “supreme” car wash, which means at the end they put a dollop of sour cream on top of your car.
There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one
*Removes smoke detector battery
**Cooks in silence
Society has this weird perception that nurses are the most nurturing parents.
My kids: My arm hurts when I move it!!
Me: Then don’t do it.
i am developing a ground brekaing new app called “MOneyWallet”, where you earn “Money Points” by mailing cash to my house
Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.
She danced her way into his heart.
-She was doing the robot tho, so she looked like an idiot.
When in doubt, ask yourself WWBD: What Would Beyoncé Do? Would she apply for a job? Nope. She’d just show up one day like “I work here now.”