@WilliamAder
@GreenScoundrel Pro Tip: I’m not a pro. Don’t listen to my tips.
You Might Also Like
@GreenScoundrel 
@iwearaonesie [eating dinner]
wife
me
wife
me [wearing 8 Burger King crowns] If they didn’t want you to take more than one there’d be a sign
wife
me
wife
@GabbbarSingh Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out
@ROTTENFEMUR I walk into the office for my new job and this is the first thing I see
@Lovestained555 My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle.
@iwearaonesie If your wife walks in and turns the light on while you’re staring at the ceiling, make sure you yell “My eyes!” BEFORE she starts changing
@SteveKoehler22 The NFL has hired their first female referee.
She will throw flags for penalties the teams
committed 5 years ago.
@AmericanGent69 I’ve hated dentists way before they started killing lions.
@claytatum Owls are just nocturnal pug birds
@MikeBigby *Belle falls in love with Beast*
Everyone: STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!! Called it!
*Belle speaks to furniture*
Everyone: this is fine