@MrGeorgeWallace Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we’ve had to dissect frogs.
@DadandBuried Take me down to Vatican City where the church loves greed and the Pope’s all quitty!
– Nuns N’ Moses
(I’m so sorry)
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@MrGeorgeWallace 
@envydatropic How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies?
Me looking at your eyebrows
@JasonLastname Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
@thenoahkinsey *forgets Netflix password*
*sends email reset*
*forgets email password*
*sends reset to backup*
20 resets later:
*opens 2nd Netflix account*
@GrabTheWEness Another family? In this one I want to be the cross-dressing uncle, @funTweeters.
@BeagirlNJ Just shoveled for 30 minutes so the pizza guy could deliver my food
Priorities
@patrickmarkryan “Wanna go camping?” “No thanks, I have a house.”
@DartsBofficial “I’m hungry” Fridge: “I got nothin.” Cabinet: “Bitch, don’t look at me.” Freezer: “LOL. You like ice?”
@RodLacroix If any of you have 3 hours to kill our youngest has a great story about how she picked her favorite color.
@PaperWash [Signing waiver for the show Cops]
No no, you don’t have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?