Teenage Mutant Ninja Wordle
β¬π©π©π©β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
π¦β¬π¦β¬π¦π¦
π©π©π©π©π©
π©β¬β¬β¬π©
β¬π©π©π©β¬
You Might Also Like
Saw a Fed Ex driver screaming out the window of his truck βwe da real Santa Claus.β New York is the best.
Did I sled down the hill? You bet I did.
I paid for for the sled.
The kids werenβt doing it right.
And it was my turn.
Cows are looking at us hoarding toilet paper and thinking that we must all have Mad Human Disease.
GOD: Eyelashes
ANGEL: What do they do?
GOD: Protect eyes
ANGEL: And?
GOD: Get into people’s eyes. It’s extremely painful.
ANGEL: Are you ok?
Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids.
Is fake venison called venisnβt
Sometimes I think how could anyone not want me and then I read my tweets
interviewer: you have a 3 year gap on your resume that just says βvengeanceβ
me:
interviewer:
me: you donβt remember me do you?
Baby Dinosaur: Mama, are we born just to die?
Dinosaur: No, baby. One day we’ll also become toxic fuels for idiot meat robots
People will say they donβt want to be lied to and then read fiction. Bro, pick a lane.
Got a couple of real nice piles of dog shit on your lawn there. Sure would be a shame if something was to… you know, “happen” to them.
Playing dodgeball with kids is harder than it looks cause you have to throw them with both hands.
No thanks, haunted houses. I can walk down the street at night being terrified some man is going to jump out at me for free.
Grandma: can you call out the bingo numbers?
Me: idk i’ve never done it B4
Gma: holy shit youβre a natural
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Just put bacon grease in my wax warmer and now Matha Stewart is calling me for tips
When I was a kid we didn’t have to come home until the street lights came on, and sometimes our parents shot them out on purpose.
You haven’t truly made it on Twitter until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
5 Minute Crafts be like:
-cut a straw longways
– iron it flat
-soak it in ice water
-use your .001″ curling iron
-then glue it together
And now you have a straw!
*gets called abnormal*
*checks for normal abs*
[a door mysteriously slams shut]
me: *spooked* what was that
the ghost haunting my home: just me still haunting lol
me: thank goodness I thought I left a window open
COP: Know why I pulled you over?
ME: *sliding off of elephant* Zoo wants its elephant back?
COP: *nodding* The zoo wants its elephant back.
2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son
*son begins describing his 500 new PokΓ©mon cards*
Well, there’s always next year
Coworker: How did your review go?
Me: I donβt know…I thought playing βEpicβ by Faith No More was a strong symbolic start…
Coworker:
Me: Apparently putting a live, flailing fish on her desk was lost on her too.
[sexting]
Her: Are you naked?
Me (taking a shit): Yes
Iβm gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds
[Texts to 14]
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
Hey
[Reply]
OMG DAD WAT?
[Text]
Hi
Kesha dropping the $ sign from her name just shows how bad the economy really is
*married driving*
Her: βYou should pass this guy.β
Me: βYou should have told me that vasectomy was completely unnecessary.β
Fitness Magazine:
Page 10: How to lose weight and keep it off.
Page 11: How to love yourself the way God made you.
Page 12: Dessert recipes.