The letter C should make a “ch” sound. S and K got the rest covered. Waste of prime alphabet real estate and does nothing original without help from my man H.
You Might Also Like
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
When someone buys a new car I like to get them a ziploc bag full of gas as like a car warming present.
Husband: *leaves to run an errand*
Me: *crosses out “get husband to leave” off to-do list*
“Why yes, that scale is accurate”
A collection of horror stories
Can anyone recommend a hypnotist? I’m open to suggestion
Why would I want to fund a crowd?
“old Victorian houses are charming”
I AM WEARING THREE SWEATSHIRTS AND TWO PAIRS OF PJ PANTS UNDER TWO BLANKETS AND I AM STILL SO FRIGGEN COLD RIGHT NOW OK SO CHARMING CAN ***K RIGHT OFF
I forgot all the Spanish I learned as a high school señor.
Me: “We’re going to go up an escalator! Can you say ‘escalator’?”
2 year old son: “eeeskvatay”
Me: “So no. No, you can’t.”
In honor of the longest night of the year I will also be cold, distant &filled with darkness.
Husband: I love everything about you.
Me: Even my toe hair?
H: What toe hair?
Me: *tears up* That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.
My toddler fell out with me today because it was too hot and I wouldn’t ‘turn the sun down’
[pulled over]
COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car?
ME: no
COP 2: told you he was a nerd
ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs
COP 1: lol gotcha
Me: pretty much any name can be unisex
My son Stephanie: I hate you dad
My husband didn’t have Snapchat so I convinced him to download it “because it will be fun!” and the first request he received was from his ex-girlfriend, so I deleted my husband’s Snapchat bc what grown man needs a stupid Snapchat anyway.
i went to my first post-vaccinated family party yesterday and instantly i was nostalgic for 2020
Where would we be without behavioral economics to deliver us such scorching insights as “try to make an appealing profile” and “swipe right on guys you like.”
Paint me like one of your French girls….
With a big fat croissant in my mouth
“On this one particular day every year we put on different clothes and pretend we are someone else then we go to strangers’ houses and ask for stuff”
Aliens: WHAT
I know this intervention is serious business but I see absolutely no snacks here.
Me: I’m so bored.
Dog: Have you considered running from window to window and barking at stuff outside?
Me: That’s the dumbest ide- OHMIGOD! *runs to window* The FedEx truck! *runs to other window* It might be my Amazon delivery! *runs to front door* IT’S TURNING UP OUR STREET!
Look, we’ve all dreamed of seeing a car caught on a rising bollard. Don’t pretend you haven’t.
If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I’d secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years.
My husband took the kids to brunch so I’m gonna get wild and drink my coffee while it’s still hot.
sorry I missed your call, 95% of the calls I get are from robots trying to steal my credit card information so this entire method of communication is now dead to me
Stop correcting my vodkabulary
After 3 disastrous surgeries I said that’s it no more pretending to be a doctor.
Somehow names of kids have gotten more outrageous and names of pets have gotten way more normal. If my wife texts “Kyle was a problem today” I shouldn’t have to wonder if it’s another kid from preschool or my neighbor’s cat.
KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I’ll show you dumb.
Me: …so anyway, the doctor said I might be lactose intolerant
Mom: *hysterical crying*
Dad: you’re a disgrace to the State of Wisconsin. Don’t come home for Thanksgiving. *slams down phone*