Make your day better by imagining people you don’t like floating helplessly into the sun.
The number of STDs I can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.
You Might Also Like
Just found out my girlfriend cheated on me, but I got her back by sleeping with her best friend. “That’s right, I fucked Gary you whore!!
*i before e except after c.
Unless you’re an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm.
I never realized my dog has the same last name as me until I took him to the vet.
I’ve learnt a lot from the movies over the years, such as how to count using Roman numerals…
I, II, III, IV, V, Balboa.
You can make so much more soup if you use your washing machine.
Interviewer: “Why do you want to be a librarian?”
Me: “I like telling people to be quiet.”
Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money’s on LACK of intelligence.
Teacher: aw what’s this little guy’s name?
Me: laser panther
My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today’s social scene sounds so violent.