There is no bigger asshole than someone that takes an animal that can fly and puts it in a cage to stand on a stick.

You Might Also Like


When I have sex with someone I high Five them.

*slaps hands together.


Anteater Kid: What’s for dinner?
Anteater Mom: Don’t be a smart ass, Brandon.


Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner…


Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees.


Beauty & the Beast is my favorite movie because I like books & starting the day with a song about how my neighbors are idiots.


Big shoutout to the Red Robin waitress who checked my ID and immediately ruined the moment by saying, “Wow you’re, like, older than my dad!”


Wife: oh honey, I didn’t marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you.


Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.