@HomeProbably You’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
-Plagiarists
@HomeProbably @HomeProbably I’ve just text my new girlfriend that I’m into all sorts of douchebaggery.
Autocorrect clearly has a different idea on what debauchery is.
@HomeProbably The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery.
Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism.
@HomeProbably I have caller ID for the front door.
If you don’t call me first, I am NOT answering the door.
@HomeProbably Who called them accountants and not sumbodies?
@HomeProbably The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You’re either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
@HomeProbably Everyone’s a genius until faced with an alien coffee maker
@HomeProbably If you get butterflies in your stomach
You should probably stop eating insects
@HomeProbably There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left.
She obviously wasn’t blind at all.
@HomeProbably Relationship status:
My neighbour/girlfriend was kidnapped but she’s ok now, I was caught.