@ColoradoUgly

What is the appropriate age to tell your child that you’ve given up on them?

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@ceejoyner

No human will ever understand humiliation like a dog who happens to run into a wolf while wearing a sweater.

@JermHimselfish

It’s amazing how eating such a small amount of dog food can cause such a large amount of concern from the people at the pet store.

@shaztaberry

Grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

@robyn_vo

Remember being a kid and writing “FiretrUCK” everywhere, thinking your parents wouldn’t get it? My dad just figured it out and spanked me 🙁

@katiefzack

Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, “If I’m alive by then,” and hang up.

@Elizacal

Even autocorrect has no idea where I’m going with this.

@gidget_76

My cat and I have lots in common like how we both cry when we’re hungry and both put our ass in the air when it’s being rubbed.