What is the best nickname for a nun in heaven?
If you guessed “Heaven nun” or “Angel nun” you’re wrong.
The answer was “Nun of the Above”.
You Might Also Like
My mechanic told me I have to pick up my car by 5:00pm but there’s no way I’ll be strong enough by then.
God: you can sting people more than once.
Wasp: I mean that’s-that’s not that big a deal.
God: oh. hey Bee come here for a second.
Bee: what’s up?
God: Wasp, tell Bee what you just told me.
Wasp:
My daughters persistence is one of her greatest qualities and it will serve her well in the future, I just hope it doesn’t kill me first.
Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone
My husband bought an alien green suv so he wouldn’t have to remember where he parked.
Crazy how Jeff Bezos could’ve ended world hunger but instead he chose to cheat on his wife, which cost even more
What do you call a food fight with an unlimited amount of food?
All you can yeet.
The calories in food given to you by someone else don’t count, right?
People who say having a dog is nothing like having kids have obviously never been to one of my dog’s piano recitals.
I’d be a terrible coroner. My reports would say something like: Subject is 44yo male. Cause of death, asphyxiation. Nice jaw. One unruly eyebrow. Strong hands. Excellent manscaping. We probably would have been great friends, possibly lovers. 8/10 stars.
I’m trying to be more fit these days, so now I walk inside the store to buy my donuts instead of using the drive-thru.
[whale watching]
whale: can someone close the drapes please? He’s back again
[on a first date]
Her: I don’t like guns
Me: *casually unrolls my t-shirt sleeves*
I don’t want to sound alarmist, but EEEEOOOO EEEEOOOO ANK ANK ANK ANK WOO-OOP WOO-OOP WOO-OOP
Adulthood – Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
Me: A gentleman never kisses and tells
Wife: Who. Was. She
-Look Jim, I know you mean well, and asking people to help you write messages to your girlfriend is not exactly illegal..
-Right!
-But..
-Ugh, here it goes
-People seam to be scared when you stop them to ask questions, and you know why, Jim
-(drops his head) cause I’m a cop
me: my boss is working me to the bone
my dog: hell yeah
I refused to buy 9yo a polished stone at the store to go with the rocks she found on the way into the store, and let’s just say our relationship is a little rocky right now.
*holds a grudge*
Grudge: PUT ME DOWN!
I saw my ex and her new man at mattress warehouse so being my ever helpful self I told him don’t buy a memory foam, you won’t be around long enough for it to remember you.
A dad and his duck
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Daytime tornado warning: grab phone, radio, & flashlights, get to shelter immediately
Nighttime tornado warning: if I wake up in Oz, so be it
Pizza places should give away free pizza car air-freshners. Within 5seconds of sitting in your car, you WILL crave pizza.
STOP CALLING ME. IF I EVER PLANNED ON TALKING TO YOU AGAIN I WOULDN’T HAVE BORROWED ALL THAT MONEY.
no matter how shitty your morning is at your office job today at least you didn’t underwrite the insurance policy for a cargo ship that took out an $800 million bridge
A 32-year-old man was arrested in England after allegedly stealing a semi-truck that contained 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs, police said.
On all dating sites, my profile name is Chupacabra, and my profile picture is a Chupacabra, which surprisingly does not deter men at all.