Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@burgerkrang

is it pronounced stephen or stefan? anyways he’s now pronounced dead, sorry about your dad kid *ruffles hair*

@sortadramatic

I did squats today. Mostly because I was hiding from a coworker.

@QueenVofCoffee

Autocorrect changed “morning” too “mignon” and now, I want some steak.

@FredTaming

me: [flips over]

my bed: ah the cool side of the person

@MikeyHill_

I wear a cape because I’m Super Broke

@NaughtyZippo

Dunno why mobsters are always threatening this. It looks lovely.

@batkaren

if you actually do the calculations, it turns out movies always give the wrong answers for equations because otherwise they owe a royalty to math

@zachary_lampley

Me: Boss our sales are really going updog.

Boss: You mean up?

Me: No, updog.

Boss: What’s updog?

Me: Not our sales. We’re bankrupt.

@Jenny4ashley

I love the compliments my boss gives like “wow you’re on time today” and “great job ignoring dress code again”.

@shutupmikeginn

Ugh I hate living next to an art school I dragged an old couch outside and a bunch of dudes came over and they’re just taking pictures of it