is it pronounced stephen or stefan? anyways he’s now pronounced dead, sorry about your dad kid *ruffles hair*
You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.
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I did squats today. Mostly because I was hiding from a coworker.
Autocorrect changed “morning” too “mignon” and now, I want some steak.
me: [flips over]
my bed: ah the cool side of the person
I wear a cape because I’m Super Broke
Dunno why mobsters are always threatening this. It looks lovely.
if you actually do the calculations, it turns out movies always give the wrong answers for equations because otherwise they owe a royalty to math
Me: Boss our sales are really going updog.
Boss: You mean up?
Me: No, updog.
Boss: What’s updog?
Me: Not our sales. We’re bankrupt.
I love the compliments my boss gives like “wow you’re on time today” and “great job ignoring dress code again”.
Ugh I hate living next to an art school I dragged an old couch outside and a bunch of dudes came over and they’re just taking pictures of it