You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.

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is it pronounced stephen or stefan? anyways he’s now pronounced dead, sorry about your dad kid *ruffles hair*


Autocorrect changed “morning” too “mignon” and now, I want some steak.


if you actually do the calculations, it turns out movies always give the wrong answers for equations because otherwise they owe a royalty to math


Me: Boss our sales are really going updog.

Boss: You mean up?

Me: No, updog.

Boss: What’s updog?

Me: Not our sales. We’re bankrupt.


I love the compliments my boss gives like “wow you’re on time today” and “great job ignoring dress code again”.


Ugh I hate living next to an art school I dragged an old couch outside and a bunch of dudes came over and they’re just taking pictures of it