Teenage Mutant Ninja Wordle
β¬π©π©π©β¬
π©π©π©π©π©
π¦β¬π¦β¬π¦π¦
π©π©π©π©π©
π©β¬β¬β¬π©
β¬π©π©π©β¬
You Might Also Like
Gang initiations from the Midwest be like βyou have to eat the entire potato saladβ
I snuggle with my sweetie boo and seductively ask, “Would you still think I’m cuddly without skin?”
me forcing my cat to look at the screen while we watch alien (1979): do you see how ripley is able to save jonesy from the alien because he lets her pick him up and put him in a carrier?
Seriously.
Who gets “regular strength” ANYTHING?!
“Yeah, go ahead & gimme your middle-of-the-road shit. I’d like this headache to LINGER.”
Coffee so strong Iβm starting to believe Iβm The Flash.
Where do surfers learn to surf?
At boarding school.
Auto carrots has been really aggressive with the editing lately
[during a plane crash]
Woman sitting next to me: OMG WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
Me: WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!
There are 2 types of people in this world: those that can parallel park on the 1st try and those that don’t think they are better than everyone else.
The string of expletives that just left my mouth was so long, I clotheslined a cyclist two towns over.
Alfred: I’ve completed engineering on the new batmobile radar unit
Batman: That’s great and did the dishes do themselves?
Alfred: no sir
Been walking like an Egyptian and need to visit a Cairopractor.
My ex DM’d me to say I’m acting creepy then unfollowed me. Luckily, I have his password so I just refollowed myself and told him he’s wrong.
My sister made pancakes and after devouring 5 of them, she tells me
βIt rises in the yeast and sets in the waistβ ππΎββοΈππΎββοΈ
Made some terrible life choices the last few years.
Just kidding. I’m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Starting a skydiving school called Active Chuters
Ugh. My bed is infested with children.
Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn’t run in. I’ll wait
Me: We have communication issues, trust issues and she’s passive aggressive
*Therapist slowly turns to the other chair and looks at the GPS*
A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
[cute guy approaches at bar]
Him: Hey can I…
Me: [blushing] Yes?
Him: Can I get a pic of you for my mom? You look just like my grandpa.
[trying to make small talk with the lady cutting my hair]
so what do you do for a living
Iβve never been sucker punched but I have had someone pick up the land line when I was trying to connect to dial up, so same
*being murdered*
Him: You should of kept your mouth shut
Me: No. Itβs should HAVE
*gets stabbed another 84 times*
At Christmas, it’s important to pause and remember all those who have wronged you this year and how you can wreak vengeance on them in 2017
So eBay takes 10% of your profits and Craig’s List is 100% free, but with the chance of being murdered…such a dilemma
Wife: you can trust me
Me: last week you told me I’d look good with a ponytail
Wife:
Me:
Wife: you can usually trust me
getting my head stuck in the armhole of a mensa shirt
[tv interview]
did you get upset?
“that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself”
don’t do that. just curse and we will add the beeps
EARTH: with your vast wealth you could stop poverty 90 times over
ELON MUSK: [daydreaming] I’m going to put ice cream trucks on the moon