Astronomers believe a black hole that’s 5 centimeters wide might be orbiting the Sun somewhere beyond Pluto.
We’re not going to try to do anything about it.
And that’s how small problems become large problems.
You Might Also Like
Everyone knows you save the leftover wrapping pieces to make patches to cover the end of the box where the gift wrap shrank.
Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant
The cheapest workout for your core is standing on the train without holding onto anything.
“I totally didn’t say that.” – God
My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.
No my Darling, I won’t be skipping to the loo. I have a situation and I shall be walking, ever so slowly, ever so carefully, to the loo. Like I’m transporting nitroglycerin in a Conestoga over the Sierra Nevada.
Is the speed limit the same if you’re driving in reverse?
Barbecues are just a theatrical way of letting your neighbours know you’re going to be eating 2 hours later than planned
“don’t tell your girl”
me to my girl : and she said i shouldn’t tell you imagine
I don’t usually cry from onions, but this one’s story is so inspirational.
me: i wish i could have sex before i die
genie: granted
me: [873 years old] motherfu
When my 5yo brought home a library book called “People Don’t Bite People” I was really hoping this wasn’t a story his teacher recommended for him
you’re so tired of people trying to sell you courses that you buy a course to teach you how to reject people selling courses
I cringe every time I think about that time I was enquiring about a stargazing event at an observatory and I accidentally asked if it was an all day event.
My dad loves telling the story of when I was young I asked ”when is someone going to die, so I can move from the kids’ table?”
Parents, talk with your children about the importance of saving frequently so they won’t have to restart at the beginning of the level.
Student begins reading poem, teacher interrupts “No this is Creative WRITHING class” Other student squirms around on floor “Very good Todd”
It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.
Her: you know what really makes my mouth water?
Me *slowly closes the menu* salivary glands
i think a great bit would be if petsmart had just one big evil looking sword in this section
If you wear cowboy clothes are you technically ranch dressing
Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00.
Me: I can’t come, I’m allergic.
Boss: But we’re not serving food.
Me: … yeah now I really can’t come.
doctor’s receptionists when you ask them to book you an appointment which is literally their job
Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up in the couch.
Whenever I’m ordering takeout they ask if I need three sets of utensils and the answer is always obviously yes
Neutrons are the Switzerland of subatomic particles.
Cop: What happened?
Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats.
Cop: Can you describe the accident.
Me: Adorable?
Sometimes I put my workout gear on and watch tv because it’s the thought that counts.
her: u excited for the next Star Wars?
me: [sweating] did we win the last one
Me: Why don’t I have a boyfriend?
God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak.
Me: Ah. That’s right. Gross.