An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, when a man in an obviously worried state enters and cries out, “I fear I’ve become invisible… Can you see me?”
And they respond; “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”
You Might Also Like
Someone rang my doorbell today and I’ve never Stopped, Dropped, and Rolled under my couch faster.
These flies don’t taste like fruit at all.
Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.
Life plan:
1. Befriend shady people.
2. Witness a murder.
3. Enter witness protection & get new name.
4. So long student loans!
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die.
all i did was tell my dad i’m anaemic 😭😭
Where did Scar’s accent come from. Did he study abroad
The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute.
Brandy Carlile implies the existence of Whiskey Buscrocodile.
I love all my family members and wouldn’t sell them at any price.
But just for the sake of conversation, give me a ballpark figure.
My new yoga instructor’s name is Matt so I called him “Yoga Matt” & he said “yeah, don’t ever call me that”. Yoga Matt isn’t very zen.
I don’t need a sugar daddy. I need a chicken wing daddy.
“Alice, Barbara, Carol, Diane…”
– me, when my doctor suggested I put my affairs in order
My doctor told me I have high blood pressure and short term memory loss.
At least I don’t have high blood pressure.
When you go to the zoo, one person in your party is required to wear a safari hat. It doesn’t have to be you, but if you’re lucky, it will be.
Murphy does not need a real egg to feel accomplished!!He’s quite content with his rock, and VERY protective of it! After his spring hormones have run their course, he will get bored and move on to other activities. Poor rock.
No coupon is really “expired” if you cry hard enough.
Hey! With the intention of somehow making you pay later for cheekily stealing those fries from me
I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.
If you eat french fries and then drink a milkshake, every time you burp it will taste like a donut. Please continue following me on the twitter dot com for more life inspiration.
I don’t steal the blankets. Gravity is just heavier on my side of the bed
Me, making a pediatrician appt for my 5yo son.
Receptionist: “What’s his birth year?”
Me: “17”
Them: “2017 or….?”
Me: “Oh yes. 2017.”
In my head: No, 1817. We’ll make the arduous journey to your office in our covered wagon.
A thoughtful Romcom about mansplaining called “Well, Actually”
What If When You Die They Ask You
“How Was Heaven?”
My kid sold your honor student a quarter ounce of oregano.
The best thing about working at my office is that you can literally use as much toilet paper as you want in the restroom.
Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming
I’m not your typical teenage girl. I’m 35 years old.
Don’t drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be “the dirty guy” and no one will have sex with you