I thought the English would use more sophisticated gifs but, sadly, no. Nothing Dickensian or Shakespearean. Just lots of Hugh Grant shrugging.
You Might Also Like
Twitter is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.
Ian: “He ran out of the restaurant, got in the car and drove off fast.”
Cop: ‘Did you see his plate?”
Ian: “Yeah. He was eating tacos.”
What is the deal with airplane food?
Seriously, I’m trying to feed this thing and I don’t know what airplanes eat.
god bless the 1st weatherman to dress as danny zuko & plead with sandy
lumberjacks will cut a birch
The ritual complete, the blood god stands before the cultist.
“I have summoned you forth to destroy my enemies”
BLOOD GOD: …
“what?”
BLOOD GOD: It just feels like every time you bring me out of the forbidden realm it’s cause you want something, and you never just want to see me
Backstreet Boys: everybody, rock your body
Dwayne Johnson: i got this
“I love you but I don’t trust you,” I say to my dog as I put cheese and crackers on the table.
My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I’m very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.
[Fortnite with 9]
9 y/o: Dad can I make you party leader?
Me: Sure, why?
9 y/o: So we can have easier matches since you’re so bad.
never leave a toddler alone in a room with your burritos
If someone challenged me to a pie fight, I’d 100% choose the apple pie in the freezer.
I’m worried my dog will never find out who’s a good boy.
I hope this tweet finds you in contact with reality.
Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up at 5 am so she can bite you excitedly
Asked mom what she wanted for Christmas this year and she said “I don’t want any gifts, I just want to know my kids are happy” well that’s a pretty big ask, Christy. Can I just get you the vacuum and call it even
This is just an IMMACULATE use of Reddit. Peak app performance.
Hell hath no fury like a small child being told there’s only fruit for dessert.
Dance like you know what you’re supposed to do with your arms while dancing
In space, no one can hear…
me: [walks into a darkened room of people holding hands around a table] what are you guys doing
psychic: *whispers* seance
me: ance
A thousand Milwaukees is a Bilwaukee.
You ever look in the mirror suddenly and think
“Damn who yelled Bloody Mary”?
I don’t understand why gyms have mirrors. I know what I look like. That’s why I’m here.
Do furries go to doctors or vets?
squirrel mom: Remember what I told you
squirrel son: “Always look both ways before I finish crossing the street”
can’t a woman breastfeed their 6yo without a celestial monk creeping on them?
Helped a stranger at the gym write a break up text today so yeah, that English degree is really paying off.
Friend: Don’t you recycle?
Me: I do what I can.
F: What about the seals?
M: Am I responsible for their recycling, too?!
your mom gives me a small baked snack. it’s on a napkin. idk where the trash can is so I just eat that too