A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills 😀
You Might Also Like
Me: What’s the first step of fire safety?
4-year-old: Stay away from dragons.
Me:
4:
Me: Well, obviously.
My mother: A high forehead is a sign of intelligence.
Me: What does that even mea—
My mother: You have a low forehead.
DO NOT PRESS RED BUTTON
PRIEST: 1st the groom’s vows.
ME: *Unfolds notes* I’m only doing this for the cake.
PRIEST: That’s not really-
HER: That’s what I wrote too.
Therapist: *holding up a stack of cards* look at these ink blots and tell me the first thing that pops into your head.
Squid: danger, predator, escape, fear of death, danger, my mother-in-law, danger.
Therapist: still on the first card.
I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY RADIATION SUIT I scream as I run out into the wasteland. So sexy it hurts. Oh god it hurts. Help-
This year, teach your kids the true meaning of Easter by trapping them in a stone tomb for three days.
If you’re going to give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can spare it.
My glasses are broken but I’ve got a glasses repair kit except I can’t find it because my glasses are broken
Cats always look like they have been on the phone with customer service for 3.5 hours and god dammit don’t you dare transfer me to another department Sharon
The real reason Darth Vader cut off Luke’s hand was because he touched the thermostat
My baby girl and I like to play a game called poop or toot. She makes a face and I get to sniff her diaper. There are no winners.
[at my funeral]
So young, how did he die?
He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word “bae”
*brings guitar on date to set the mood
Me: Hey do you know how to play this thing?
if you give me a serious answer to a silly question I’m giving you a wedgie
Back in the day, with $2 bucks you could go to the store and walk out with a bunch of Doritos, and beer. Now they have security cameras.
Zack Greinke stories are the best
Him: Could you be any more annoying?
Me: …I’ve been waiting my whole life for this question. Yes. Oh god, yes.
OPEN YOUR EYES, PEOPLE!!
AND LET ME TOUCH YOUR EYEBALL!!!
WHETHER OR NOT I’M AN EYE DOCTOR IS **IRRELEVANT**
I had a dream that IKEA offered a ride sharing service and nobody could figure out how to get out of the car.
My job sucks but it pays the bills.
Too bad I can’t say the same things about my boyfriend.
They say revenge is a dish best served cold so I served cold pizza with pineapple
Saving the planet will require sacrifice and right now I’m thinking you.
A coworker just complained that nobody was talking to her and I really wish I had her kind of problems.
A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.
My 8YO’s drawings of me have improved in detail. Although she still draws my body as a round ball, she now adds a nice touch by filling in the dark circles under my eyes.
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000
her: sure
me: k
“I can’t please everybody.”
“You’re not pleasing anybody.”
“So you agree with me.”
If you have slept with someone who sounds like Darth Vader breathing, you understand why it’s so great to sleep alone.