Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage
You Might Also Like
“We should get a bell so that when we need you we can just ring it” – my child, hiring me as his servant
Women. Can’t live with em, can’t live without titties.
As the pair of scissors steps up to the starting line, the other runners quickly realize that this race just got a whole lot more dangerous.
To air is humane, to forgave, divide.
Typo quota for the day.
I have never in my life tried to pronounce an L so hard than when asking my dad for the “caulk”
Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, ‘member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?
In honor of the eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.
Of course bears shit in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
She’s got a great personality!
It’s the other 6 personalities that I’m worried about….
Sometimes I wish I had Jesus in my life.
Mostly when I’ve run out of wine.
You don’t care when my dog does it, is not an acceptable explanation for shitting on your neighbor’s lawn. I know this now.
[If my dog could talk]
DUDE, IT’S BEEN 9 YEARS. I GET IT. I’M A GOOD BOY
Zimbabweans have dismissed Mugabe rumour saying
“Mugabe cannot have a heart attack. He doesnt have a heart.”
don’t go chasing waterfalls? the place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items??
Remember two years ago when we found out aliens exist but were too busy fighting over toilet paper to care? Good times.
Save money on laser removal of ‘love hate’ knuckle tattoos, by changing the last letter to an ‘s’ and developing an interest in millinery.
BREAKING: Justin Bieber expresses interest in being baptized. Over 4 million people volunteer to hold his head under water.
My son made us all hide then jump out and yell ‘surprise!’ for his birthday. If you guys aren’t planning the same for my birthday on Tuesday, it’s gonna sting
They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year.
Coming Soon
Jason Statham is a reluctant thief with a heart of gold*cue explosion*
PUNCH McEXPLODEY CAR MAN
*fade to black*
I put in an order at a deli. The woman helping me had a name tag that said “Kate.” While she was getting my food, another employee bumped into her. I said “Be careful. She’s very Deli Kate.”
They stared at me like I’d grown a second head. Well I thought it was funny…
*Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera*
“My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?”
[buying shoes for our kids]
her: which do you like better
me: idk probably our daughter
mugger: GIMME UR MONEY
“All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday”
[mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma]
IT’S PAYBACK TIME
Indian Brothers & Sisters: You know all those awful things Columbus did to the Native Americans? Just remember…HE WAS LOOKING FOR US
A cashier could hand me a receipt & say “go online and fill out the survey and in a week they’ll deposit $10M into your bank account” and I still wouldn’t take the damn survey.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him
GOD, I hope he calls me.
i love banana bread you just buy a bunch of bananas and then ignore them for a while and finally you’re like ok u will be bread now
Just watched the movie 2012 and honestly I don’t remember any of that happening.