Pixar has made me feel affection towards rats, bugs, fish, robots, monsters and even cars. The real test would be a movie about coworkers.
You Might Also Like
This is amazing.
my ancestors, who hunted and foraged for whatever food they could get, watching me have anxiety when I’m reading a menu:
I told my wife that she was sounding like her mother and I realized that was a mistake after I regained consciousness.
If you yell mosquito you can slap anyone in the face
There are only 2 things Donald Trump fears: 1) The world discovers he’s been lying about being a billionaire, and 2) a strong wind.
Who called it a witches’ coven and not a hex trafficking ring?
Parenting is groaning when you have to watch the same movie for the 300th time, but also mad when the kid interrupts the movie because you’re actually watching it
Me, off my meds, pitching a cartoon movie: OK, so, you know how most toasters are cowards?
My neighbors are being loud and I wanted to yell at them but I didn’t want them to know it’s me so I found a clip of a woman yelling SHUT UP and played it at full volume
[reading the bible but getting impressed by the wrong parts] woah this guy had 12 friends in his 30’s
“There are enough donuts here to last a lifetime!” thought Jerome, his nose twitching with excitement. Three hours later, he found himself sprawled on his back in a shallow puddle of milk at the bottom of the bowl, staring at the ceiling, feeling overwhelmed by shame and regret.
she wears short skirts, I’m googling the symptoms of gout. she’s cheer captain, and I have gout
FIRST GUY TO EAT A BANANA: hey this is good come here and try it
FIRST GUY TO SLIP ON A BANANA PEEL: ok
You laugh at me now, but when a giant wheel of feral cheddar rolls up while you’re out walking alone, that’s the time you’ll wish for a can of CheeseMace™.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there’s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Just took my girlfriend to the movies and now I’m $10,000 in debt.
Apparently “never hesitate to tell her you love her” does not include yelling it through her window at 3am, I know this now.
Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
Don’t forget drink water and get some sunlight because you’re basically a house plant with more complicated emotions
“I’ll take movies for $500 Alex”
Tim Burton directed this dark tale starring Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter
“You gotta be kidding me”
you visit my house and within moments i offer you strawberry shortcake. you decline but i put an entire cake on the table and begin cutting it. you are confused. it takes me 45 minutes to eat the entire thing alone and we do not speak
Top 4 horrified face expressions:
4. dragged away by crocodile
3. stabbed by serial killer
2. mauled by bear
1. no toilet paper
I like to go to zen gardens and shout at things.
I peed in an ocean, but I’m not going to tell you which one – you’re going to have to take your chances.
We shouldn’t send our trash into space, that’s how you get space raccoons
Do you wish you were always broke?
Are you tired of having a thriving social life?
Is too much sleep boring you?Parenthood. It’s for you