[Snow White meets Seven Dwarfs]
SNOW WHITE: Why is your name Bashful?
BASHFUL: [recalling when he bashed in the 8th dwarf’s skull] No reason
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Me: Drinking and talking to the bartender instead of you.
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the battle rages on
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Me: You weren’t born yet then.
5: No, I mean when I was in your tummy. I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want and it was dark and warm.
Me: *Sigh* And you didn’t fight with me on eating your dinner either.
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her: u have done this before, right?
me: yes, of course. measure twice, cut once
her: what?
me: what?
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Me: “Hi ASAP, it’s an emergency!”
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ME: [taking a bite of the small layer cake i made to look like a book]
STRANGER: a stunning genius
WIFE: Are you dipping your fries in mashed potatoes?
ME: The Amazon is on fire, Helen. The old rules are dead.