OF COURSE IT’S A GENUINE BEETHOVEN! Look at those brush strokes, the stunning use of colour.
You Might Also Like
I haven’t prevented a single forest fire.
Is it possible that Smokey was talking to someone behind me?
I hate it when someone says “here’s the thing…” and then doesn’t give me a thing.
*walks into Good Will*
Hi yes, I’d like to trade my friend Will in for a better one.
Geez, you have 3 birthdays in a month & suddenly the restaurant gets all, “We need to see ID before you get a free birthday dessert, Ma’am”.
No, I would NEVER put you on mute
You can just tell people you’re writing a novel even if you’re not. There will not be follow up questions.
The French really did the “this is fine” meme.
Just heard a coworker say “yeah they’re trying to live bicuriously through their children”
The first 5 days after the weekend are always difficult😭
You only live once. Go talk to that gorgeous person… ask them for their phone number, steal their identity, buy yourself a big screen TV
Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to align a picture on Microsoft word
Good luck to all of the parents whose kids will be eating their Easter candy and won’t be going to bed until Tuesday night.
Sorry I photobombed your mammogram.
If I’m reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
I dreamt I was drowning in the ocean, and woke up spitting on my pillow.
So yeah, you can say I get pretty wet n wild in bed.
we don’t give my son hot dogs not because they’re unhealthy, because he eats them with jelly & the judgement in public is too much
follow request on instagram. a tan and in shape man on a pool float. blocked.
i’m sure it’s fine
All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”
Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.
I’ll never understand why we aren’t buried in our final resting place wearing pajamas.
Husband looking through take out bag: Did you forget my tacos?
Me spewing taco shell crumbs: Thofe baftards mufed have forgot to pack fem.
Before I burn any bridges, I like to make sure there’s no bars or restaurants I really like on the other side.
Principal: Bob, you’re their Sex Ed teacher. These kids depend on you *slams fists on desk* SO WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM COOTIES ARENT REAL
CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.
By the time you reach 45, everyone becomes an expert orthopedist. “It hurts where? Yeah, that’s your medial hip flexor tendon maximus. I had that last year.”
The hardest part of marriage is resisting temptation. Women just don’t understand how hard it is not to use a decorative towel.
Things we didnt do
-Start the fire
-Shoot the deputyThings we did do
-Tried to fight it
-Shot the Sheriff
-Built this city on Rock and RollThings we will do
-Survive
-Rock YouThings we wont do
-Get fooled again
-Back Down
-That
-Give You Up
-Let you down
-Desert you
If you pull out a knife and start sharpening it, people soon stop telling you about their plans for Valentine’s Day.
Today is the birthday of Erwin Schrödinger, best known for being the world’s worst cat sitter.