Rey: Why do you hide behind a mask?
Kylo Ren: *takes off his mask to reveal his real face*
Rey: Wow. Put the mask back on.
You Might Also Like
It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” three times into your car’s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
My daughter once asked me “If you were a fruit and you had one wish, what would you wish for?”
So far all my ideas have been rejected as not “fruit appropriate”
I don’t even care if it’s a scam. Just the thought that a Nigerian prince took the time to write me a personal note has really made my day.
I love using phrases like “knowing is half the battle” so my kids think I’m wise beyond my years, because they have no idea I took it from a cartoon.
dating again after you break up with a long term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again except with less health
Sick and tired of my bank account taking a hit whenever I buy stuff.
Every marriage has one person who throws things out, and a garbage-loving chaos goblin who says “But I was saving that!”
I swear the Butterfly effect has seriously gone out of control this year.
(trying to explain what adulthood is like to a kid) you know in sims when you put a guy in the pool and then you take all the ladders out.
Me: It just feels like you’re holding me to outdated standards
My mum: Oh? Let’s see if my grandkids agree OH NO WAIT
I’ve been using the Netflix account of an ex for half a decade. We broke up in 2010 & in 2017 I got a text out of nowhere that said, “Do you watch anything that isn’t about death??” No. No I do not.
HEY TWITTER IF I WANTED 10,000 CHARACTERS THAT I WASN’T INTERESTED IN I WOULD START WATCHING GAME OF THRONES
[wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?
*at 5’s “restaurant”*
5: What can I get for you?
Me: Tacos.
5: We’re not Italian.
Me: Tacos aren’t Italian.
5: We’re Mexican.
Me: Great! Can I have some tacos then?
5: We don’t have tacos.
I think this restaurant is having an identity crisis.
All these silly debates on social media are all a ploy to distract you from the fact that they are moving public urinals closer together everyday.
Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.
interviewer: can you work overtime?
me: *nodding* and space
*Goes to bathroom
*Reaches down to unzip
*Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours
*Starts wearing underwear
Journalists stuck in 1970’s Belfast absolutely hating it
When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?
Whoever coined the term sticktoitiveness really got away with some bullshit there
If you’re a tire company you shouldn’t say you work tirelessly
I asked my 5yo to play a game where we see who can be quiet the longest. After a couple of seconds he whispered “this is boring” and I guess the game is over.
i did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. wtf people
People obviously have widely different levels of intelligence. There are complicated spy movies that you’re supposed to understand every nuance of without much explanation, but then you pick up an aspirin bottle and the directions say, “Do not put in ear.”
Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day
“The author clearly signals that this is a tale told by an unreliable narrator,” I explained, gesturing to the stack of forms.
The IRS agents were not amused.
I used to accidentally repeat stories to my friends a lot but now I just say “I think I’ve already told you this” and say it again anyway
Helena Bonham Carter eats eight spiders a day. Not in her sleep, just whenever.