Everyone’s AVI – Sorry. This is the absolute best I can look. I’m actually suspended upside down in this shot and I rented a wind machine.
You Might Also Like
beyoncé communicating with the dead is what i would call a seyoncé.
Everyone is freaking out because I brought my own gavel to court, no one knows if I’m allowed to do this, the judge is crying
There is no worse place to receive bad news than sitting in a beanbag chair.
If the Pottery Barn didn’t want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn’t have called it a barn.
Flat Earthers must lose their minds when they realize it’s called the atmosphere and not the atmoflat
Find a man who strokes your hair and says how soft it is and doesn’t even care that it’s on your legs.
Tried to impress her by making martinis but got my hand stuck in the olive jar
I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters
This dudes dogs 😁battle cry
If I had a yoshi I would ride him to work every day.
“Sup bob, see you got a new Kia, guess what I got, a fricken yoshi dude”
Hello, my name is Graeme, I have a PhD in computing, and I am a senior accessibility consultant, but when I want to type “é” on a Windows laptop I go to Beyoncé’s Wikipedia page and copy/paste the letter from there.
Mick Jagger: Hey Keith, come hold my new baby.
Keith holding baby, whispers to it: I’m going to out live you too.
Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning.
Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
*runs away from it all*
*runs back*
*grabs phone charger*
*runs away from it all again*
I don’t get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them.
how come some families are all, like, “we’re direct descendants of many important historical figures,” & my family is all, like, “that raccoon is your uncle cletus.”
*bitten by radioactive penguin
*gains ability to not fly
Gordon Ramsey: AND WHAT IS THE SECRET SAUCE ON YOUR STEAK?!
Me *nervously hiding the ketchup packet*: It’s tomato wine, chef
FBI: you are so busted!
Me: omg thanks 🤭
Freezing cake does not impede eating.
Stiff calories are still delicious.
[home schooling, day 1]
Me: I know this is hard.
12:
Me: I know it’s frustrating.
12:
Me: But we’ll get through it.
12:
Me: Now explain this math to me just once more, I’m very close to understanding it.
Last minute Christmas shopping at Costco in the 10 TVs or less line.
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
Imagine falling in love with someone and then they make a chicken pot pie without a bottom crust.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have”
Now I am sitting in a disciplinary meeting in my Wonder Woman costume.
Life hack: If your FIL ever says, “Stop me if I’ve told you this,” take him up on it.
If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they’re okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved.
me, after making no effort to address a complaint: how about now
I can’t make it tonight. There’s a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
Nearly having a panic attack when you hear “tickets, please!” as you sit in the correct seat holding your fully valid train ticket.