Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.
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serious question: when someone’s telling you a sad story and crying how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?
My son fell asleep early, so I’m going to live like I did before having kids!
*cooks on front burner of the stove*
[barbershop]
ME: *walks in holding up a wanted poster* hi can you make me look like uhhh not this
[sound of sirens outside getting louder]
*sweating* …quickly
me: how do i tell my wife i want a divorce?
wife: not like this
I’m taking part in a scavenger hunt. I have already killed twelve scavengers
Ugh what’s with all the free range organic baby food crap? My parents fed me Wonder bread and jelly and guess what, I miraculously grew into an adult. I mean, not a functioning one. But still.
Who needs an Air Fryer?
Might see you guys in 15-25yrs. Weekend with my folks & it’s only a matter of time before I snap.
A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short – now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
“Please refrain, Angry God, from using the Newspaper of Doom” the Spider King cries as he orders another sacrifice into your sleeping mouth