Comment: London’s WorldPride? It’s really WorldShame
![]()
You Might Also Like
You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.
1995: I will make multiple trips to the post office and mail off blank cassettes just so I can get a barely audible bootleg of a phish show months later
2022: I will pay 47 dollars for a single chicken sandwich to be delivered so I don’t have to put on pants
My👏spacebar👏is👏broken👏so👏I’m👏using👏the👏clapping👏emoji👏instead👏I’m👏not👏trying👏to👏make👏a👏point
Usually before i join a teams meeting, i mute my mic. this morning i joined a call and thought i hit mute but i did not. as i joined i let out a huge long sigh that 22 people got to hear. now i need to find a new job.
What do you mean, “I need space,” are you okay oh my god do you need me to come over and bring space
I’m going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.
*Smashes the Sony
*Destroys the Panasonic
*Pummels the Kenwood
*Rips apart the Pioneer
~breaking all stereotypes
ME: I’m glad we don’t feel confined to traditional relationship gender roles. Who cares what the man or woman is SUPPOSED to be? We are who we are.
GIRLFRIEND: If you don’t want to kill the spider don’t kill the spider.
ME: It’s just SO big.
Doctor: you’ll be fine if you don’t touch your face
T-rex: hell yeah
I sure do wish I had “Queen” energy rather than “starving raccoon rummaging through a trash can” energy but here we are
What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
Lighten up!
#Christmas #RubbishJokes
Guy: I don’t deserve you.
Girl: Awwwww…you’re so sweet…
Guy: I don’t mean that in a good way.
If one more teenager uses the term ‘Back in the day’…I swear I’m gonna smack them with a floppy disk and choke them with my legwarmers.
Establish dominance by walking around a Spirit Halloween dressed as Santa Claus.
I never believed in hypnosis until I spent six straight hours staring at the bakery’s rotating pie display case.
The part in Temple Of Doom where she reaches in the hole full of bugs, but me reaching into a pot of cold water in the sink to grab a fork.
When I go grocery shopping I start with the heavy stuff: bags of dog food, gallons of water. This increases your cart’s ramming power if things start to get ugly in the soup aisle.
ME:John’s coming over for dinner.
WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John?
JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.
Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you’re bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it’s known as Squid Pro Quo.
“daddy, the sun has disappeared!!”
[Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway]
“listen here you little shit”
‘I like the smell of your meat’ may not have been the best greeting to the hot waiter at the BBQ joint I picked for lunch.
Sesame Street didn’t prepare me for any of this bullshit.
Them: Pleasure to meet you.
Me: Give it time.
uh yeah, I accept. No brainer
![]()
[Speech Therapy]
Therapist: Repeat after me: I’m thirsty
Dad: I’m…thirsty
T: I’m hungry
D: I’m…H…Hi Hungry, I’m Dad
T: *throws clipboard*
I’ve kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it’s like to raise an “ungrateful little prick”
Last minute Christmas shopping at Costco in the 10 TVs or less line.
Not sure why people with shingles aren’t prescribed roofies.
And send.
It’s been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver 🙁
[staff meeting]
Boss: Does anyone have any questions?
Me: *raises hand*
Boss: Candy
Me: Does anyone care if I take the last blueberry muffin?