here is what. i plan to accomplish today:
2. bark loudly. but at nothing
7. lose my ball under the couch
7b. politely ask the human. to get my ball
3. immediately lose it again. under the same couch
4. big nap. you have worked hard
2. repeat
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me: pretty weak lighting in here
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Boss: I suspect one of you is dead
[Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
I can’t believe my terrible boss* is making me work on this sacred national holiday**
*me
**National Cheesecake Day
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My husband has blocked the sink!!!!
.
I knew I should have buried him in the garden!
I’m so thrilled hockey is starting I could nap
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Girl B: Yeah. We look this young because we’re actually WITCHES and we take POTIONS to stay young!
Me: Right. But why would you choose to be 1st graders?
Girl B: Uh…
Girl A: It is possible we took too many potions.
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ADAM: *Swipes right*
EVE: *Swipes left*
GOD [clears throat and presses intercom]: Eve can i have a word with you please
Me ~ yes , I want your 2 for $5 Whoppers
Burger King ~ you want cheese on that
Me ~ yes please
Burger King ~ ok that will be $40.75
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Wife: “You’re an idiot”
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