After years of beta testing, my body is ready to launch OS X Cougar.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80’s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
You Might Also Like
FACT: When a dog barks at you, it’s actually their skeleton barking.
PROOF: I have never seen a dog without a skeleton bark.
Apparently Mr. Neeson’s “particular set of skills” is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
A guy I know got bitten by a radioactive bedbug. He spent 3 weeks in a coma, but when he came round again he was able to fold a fitted sheet
“HEY ATHLETES WITHOUT MONEY FOR TRAINING FACILITIES OR PROPER UNIFORMS, Y U NO WIN GOLD MEDALS?” – Indians
Always end a conversation with “gotta run” so people think you’re into fitness
“You do realize, that’s completely idiotic, and makes no sense at all…Right?”
-People who are told how tennis is scored for the first time
and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about…MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE
Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.