I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
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I mean I’m over it but I’m definitely going to bring it up again after a couple drinks
Haven’t you heard, Fanny packs are back.
Him: It’s just… I’ve never seen anyone eating boiled eggs out of one…
[in the garden]
Me: Go grab the hose
Son: Okay[15 min later]
Son: *walks up with our neighbors*
Karen: Your son said that you needed Diane and I?
Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
*prepares to cook vegetarian chili* *spills the beans* Whoa, I suppose you could call that.. *lowers shades with a spatula*.. Kidney failure
Roses are red
violets are blue
celery is green
bees are black and yellow
please help me I can’t stop
pumpkins are orange
satan is vermillion
I just told the 4yr old to lick her elbow and bought myself five minutes of quiet.
Guys; if she stops responding to your messages for days, 100% of the time it’s a technical problem. Keep trying.
Apparently, some customs agencies are saying they won’t allow shipment of anything called a “Flamethrower”. To solve this, we are renaming it “Not a Flamethrower”.
I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!