@3sunzzz

I shaved my legs and now my socks keep falling down.

Life is hard.

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@trevso_electric

Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years

@RodLacroix

I put JIF Peanut butter in the mousetraps and although I didn’t catch any mice I did manage to snag 3 choosy mothers.

@TheAlexNevil

Me: Of all my kids, you’re my favorite
12: I’m your only kid
Me: Well that attitude won’t keep you in the top spot for long

@SomthinBoutSara

I’ve stepped on a Lego before so I’m calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down

@ohthatbadger

The year is 3426, all of humanity is extinct. Supernatural is somehow still on every week with new episodes.

@Jermaine1st

Me: So tired

Brain: IKR!! But wait, who organised the alphabet…

M: Please don’t

B: N how do we know it’s not actually disorganized?

@TheBigBatman

Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner.