I think it’s bad coaching to tell kids to choke up on the bat. matter of fact i don’t think children should be eating baseball bats at all.
You Might Also Like
Just for fun I’m putting these on windshields in parking lots all over the city on Valentines Day…
*wins $1000*
To claim your prize, create an account and password.
Ugh this will take forever, nevermind.
[team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West]
COACH: you idiots *melts*
If you have anything you want to sneak into the house, Christmas Eve is the day to do it. Can just rush through the door carrying anything saying “DON’T LOOK! DON’T LOOK!” and people will close their eyes. Next thing you know you’re eating a bucket of KFC safely in the bathroom.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Why didn’t Wile E. Coyote just spend all that Acme money to buy an actual dinner?
You deplete me
“I can function just fine on 3 hours of sleep”, I say as I begin pouring vodka into the coffee maker instead of water.
4 out of 5 fire departments recommend I get takeout.
I think we can all agree if the ancient Egyptians had twitter there would be no pyramids.
My wife and I announce when we’re going to the bathroom, but it’s more a way of saying, “I’m not watching the kids, so if they die in the next 4 minutes it’s all your fault.”
ME: why is my son failing
TEACHER: just because u gave him that name doesnt mean he’ll be intelligent
ME: [gasping] cover ur ears Smartboy
[Gym]
Hello ladies, and welcome to Body By Jake!
Me: “Jake?” *i discreetly shove the cake I brought into my bag & back out of the room*
Why ruin a perfectly good shovel when you can just use your leg?
Laughed hysterically and said “Oh yes, please do” after the pizza shop guy asked if he could put the sauce in my box. I think I scared him.
I never interrupt because I’m rude. I interrupt because I’m more interesting.
Mom, can teenagers drink coffee?
-my 5yo, planning ahead
Marsupials have pouches and the good manners to keep children out of sight.
Kids will find some random stick on the ground and within thirty seconds it has a name and a very thoroughly developed back story
Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her.
Me, mouthful of cicadas: WHAT?!
Everyone gets ONE famous scientologist they’re allowed to pretend isn’t really a scientologist in order to fully and purely enjoy their work.
If you love someone, throw your earbuds at them. There’s a good chance they’ll be entangled in them and won’t be able to run.
Surgeon: I can’t find the clot
Wife: *from gallery* oh BIG surprise
then my mum calls to ask why I’m not attending a family dinner; she says where is the glue
me: glue?
her: the glue you have been sniffing
Me: I’d like to get this prescription filled
Pharmacist: This is a recipe for chicken marsala
Me: What time should I pick that up?
PROFESSOR: We share 99% of our DNA with chimps.
ME: Okay so, like, do we take turns?
PROFESSOR: What?
ME: What if I need it and he’s still using it?
PROFESSOR: That’s not-
ME: I don’t want to fight him if he won’t give it back.
I reached down to adjust my left bra cup this morning, lost my grip, and punched myself in the chin.
Well it’s been a week and I’ve already f’ed things up so here’s to 2025