Canadian Tinder users are 56% male, 44% female and 33% holding a fresh trout
I’m convinced that my wife took 9 years of education at 3 different colleges just to win all the arguments for the rest of my life.
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Wife: The kids opened the “private” drawer in my nightstand.
Me: THE drawer?
Great. There go our Oreos.
Nothing says “Proper Retirement Planning” like a garbage can full of losing lottery tickets
Do you really think cats would have anything to do with us if they could open cans of cat food by themselves?
Doctor: You have to stop eating donuts…
D:…so that I can start the operation.
M: [STUFFING DONUT UNDER OXYGEN MASK] For later.
Tell the colonel to bring it
[be cool, just dont let her know youre a 1st generation PS3]
so where do y-
*internal cooling fan drowns out entire conversation*
my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
I propose we rename our seasons:
• Kinda Nice For A Bit
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don’t know who’s winning