Introducing – Paragraphica! 📡📷
A camera that takes photos using location data. It describes the place you are at and then converts it into an AI-generated “photo”.See more here:
or try to take your own photo here:
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Remembering when I taught middle school and some girls wanted to have a Twilight book club in my classroom and then they uninvited me when they found out I was team Jacob
This is no longer an app but a mishapp
10YO: [on her ipad] beat my high score!
ME: y’know they’re just numbers on a screen right? they don’t mean anything
[checks follower count]
Him: I have feelings for you.
Me: I’d rather you have cake for me.
In Hell you have to drive with balloons in the car and you have to put them in the car with the doors open.
[after getting beat up]
Girlfriend: I thought you were a kickboxer
Me: that guy was not a box
This is me
A leaf blower, but for people.
I ate a kids meal at Wendy’s
his mom was furious
Every time I get my period, I think well that explains the last few days
This bank app is great for checking account activity!
Also comes in handy when you just need a reason to cry.
People who use the wrong words sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.
me: what do you want from me
wife: a divorce
me: i meant for christmas
Stock market update:
Last month 401 k
This month 401 not ok
Pretty rude of Instagram to put a bunch of ads for shapewear in my feed dominated by food porn… I mean, they’re not wrong, but it’s still rude
me: start from the beginning? oh, ok. Well, God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was without form…
Police investigator: no, no, from just before your car got rear-ended
The average Hollywood producer green-lights 8 Spiderman reboots in his sleep
From the speed at which it’s spread I’m wondering if wordle is a symptom of omicron.
them: what’d you do on your day off
me: wake up earlier than necessary
Me: you know what’s sexy?
Mirror: no
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
They say “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” so if I offer you a piggyback ride just know we have beef
Me: your snowman can look however you like sweetheart
2: *sticks arms in snowman’s head*
Me: not like that
him : can you name the shapes?
me : sure. Sue the square, Trevor the triangle, Richard the rhombus, Harry the-
him : no I didn’t mea-
me : …Harry the hexagon
him: will you just st-
me : Dave the dodecahedron
“If you’re not on medication no one will know how crazy you you are,” she said red flaggingly.
So I just watched Contagion and tbh, if they had watched the end of the film first, they could have saved a lot of lives.
This recipe calls for 4 cups of cheese. That seems like an awful lot. I’ll add 6 just in case.
[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart]
Ma’am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly.
[slowly puts second tub in cart]
I ran out of chips so I dipped string cheese in my queso and I guess I’m keto now