It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?

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And then God said, “Let there be Black Friday.” and he saw that it was a terrible idea but it was too late cuz people were already in line.


ME: you really put the cute in executione-

WARDEN: alright hit the switch


Apparently, the new iPhone 13 Pro Max will help you lose weight pretty quickly..



..Because once you buy it, you won’t be able to afford food for 3 months !!


Me: Don’t spit at your sister!

4: I’m a bunny.

Me: Bunnies don’t spit.

4: I’m an acid-spitting bunny.


I know I’m gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.


I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.


My body: I need to perspire.
Antiperspirant: The hell you do.


I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor and think, “I’d tap that.”


Convince neighbours you’re shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann’s mayonnaise.